HOW TO BUILD BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

She wants closeness.
He wants freedom.

What if both were valid - and both could exist in the same relationship?

Relationships often unravel not because two people aren’t a fit - but because they haven’t learned how to navigate their differences and communicate in a way the other person can hear. In this piece, we explore how understanding common emotional dynamics between men and women can help build a relationship rooted in mutual respect, emotional maturity, and trust.

Opposing Needs: Closeness vs. Freedom

One can’t generalise to the extent that all cases will be as follows. However, in many cases, men and women will enter into relationships with different and sometimes conflicting needs. Men tend to crave freedom, while women more often feel a stronger need for safety and closeness.

This isn’t to say that men don’t want connection or women are needy. It is to say that we’re different: Where a woman might feel secure through emotional intimacy and attentiveness, a man might need space and time to feel into his desire to commit. And when these needs collide, tension builds - not from incompatibility, but from misunderstanding and reactiveness.

Pressure Dynamics In Early Romantic Relationships

When we’re getting to know a new person, it can be challenging to have space for the sensations we experience. It may be uncomfortable to be in a situation where it feels like we’re absolutely exposed and vulnerable; not knowing if we’re being played or not.

We then feel to reach for safety and certainty and begin asking questions such as: “Where is this going?” - perhaps before a relationship is mature for commitment.

For most men, even if they want the same things - relationship, commitment, intimacy, and exclusivity - it may take them longer to feel ready. He might feel that committing means giving up his freedom or other opportunities, which only intensifies if he senses pressure.

This pressure - whether expressed as anxiety, over-communication, or ultimatums - can push him away, just as the woman feels more and more uncertain.

Emotional Intensity And Being Met

Often it holds true that the more feminine we are, the greater the emotions at stake - since femininity tends to come with an increase in sensitivity (this is a positive thing even if you’ve been taught to think of it negatively). In particular, when we’ve been hurt before, or had to do life alone, it makes sense that our nervous systems long for clarity, reassurance, and emotional safety.

But here’s the thing: Emotional intensity isn’t the problem. It’s how we manage that intensity that matters. When we act from fear - trying to control or fast-forward connection - we close the door to the very intimacy we crave.

However, the more rooted in herself a woman is, the more she can put herself in the position of choosing, rather than being chosen. When leading from an open and honest place yet grounded in self-worth - there will be no pressure. And in turn this creates space.

Offering Space Without Withdrawing Emotionally

When we trust a man to show up for us – whether in the early stages or a long-term relationship - we can invite him to meet us where we need him to with ease and calmness.

This increases the chances of us being met, as men will often feel more like something they can freely choose. In fact, this is the case with all people. No one wants to be forced or pressured into doing something. That’s why the ability to shift the dynamic begins with us.

When we feel safe within ourselves, we can express our needs - not from fear, but from self-worth.

So what the ability to change the dynamic requires is safety within us and the courage to speak our needs and wishes from an empowered place. A place where we’re not apologetic, not demanding, but open and self-assured.

We don’t need to rush connection or fight to have our needs met. We don’t need to push for outcomes. Instead, we can express how we feel and what we want - without blame, manipulation, or pressure. And then, we can lean back and give the other person freedom to choose.

In a space of freedom, trust can grow. Any person who feels trusted is far more likely to rise to meet you. And if he/she doesn’t, then perhaps it wasn’t the right match - not because you were too much, but because you chose not to settle for too little.

So the next time you feel tension building, maybe ask yourself: Am I leading with demand, or with invitation? Do I trust myself enough to allow space - for honesty, for choice, for connection to grow? Do I have the power within myself to walk away with grace, if someone chooses not to meet me halfway after I’ve invited them to do so.

Maybe this is your practice.

Much love,

Ready to build nourishing relationships and lead from a more wholesome place of self-worth?

Explore Mai’s self-guided 5-week course – a powerful journey into understanding when and how to embody your feminine and masculine energy, so you can create deeper connection, clarity, and emotional safety in your relationships.