WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE?

BUILDING FROM TRUST, NOT FEAR

Some women handle life so well most people assume she’s fine on her own, always being in charge. But if you’ve ever felt like you always have to be the strong one - the one in charge, the one who gives more than she receives - you’re not alone.

I did this for years. This was a pattern that didn’t just show up at work or in my friendships it also shaped how I approached romantic relationships.

When we’re used to only depending on ourselves, intimacy can feel like exposure. Especially if you’ve experienced inconsistency, abandonment or disappointment in the past, letting someone in isn’t simple. It takes self-trust and emotional awareness to relate in a way that invites support, rather than repels it.

This piece explores what it means to shift from fear to trust, and how to stop doing it all alone when it comes to love.

Are You Starting Fresh - Or Repeating The Past?

A thing that revolutionized my world a little bit was seeing how it can never be a new partner’s responsibility to make up for our father’s mistakes or what previous partners might have put us through. In each new relationship, we owe it to ourselves - and to this new person - to meet them with openness and trust.

In my own case, once I learned this was a choice it made it much easier to do.

It’s a very important lesson because unless we do this, we may set ourselves up for repeating the mistakes of the past. Attempting to shield our heart from breaking once more, we may set up a line of hoops and obstacles for a new person to overcome and prove himself worthy.

In effect though, we actually do the opposite. Instead of assuming things will turn out beautiful, we live from the belief this new person will ultimately disappoint us.

It’s a bad place to start - and one that can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Love Is Something You Grow, Not Demand

We all are much more inclined to grow and step up when someone trusts and believes in us, rather than when someone makes us feel small by trying to tame or control us.

Where trust empowers and grows, control erodes self-worth over time and makes us feel small.

This is worth remembering in all relationships - not only in romantic ones. Because the invitation to trust another begins with trusting ourselves. However, we can only extend trust to others when we trust and believe in ourselves.

So our work must start by us showing ourselves trust and by fierce self-compassion. Being gentle with and kind to ourselves means choosing places, situations, and humans in our life that nourish us.

Have you been the strong one for too long? What if strength now meant something different? Not holding everything together, but letting someone in. Not proving your independence but exploring what’s possible when you no longer have to do it alone.

Perhaps this is your practice.

Much love,

Ready to build nourishing relationships and lead from a more wholesome place of self-worth?

Explore Mai’s self-guided 5-week course – a powerful journey into understanding when and how to embody your feminine and masculine energy, so you can create deeper connection, clarity, and emotional safety in your relationships.